Parent FAQ about Grief

Grief can show itself in physical ways.  Below are some common physical symptoms associated with grief.  

• Back, neck, or general muscle pain
• Headaches
• Dry mouth
• Stomach pain, diarrhea, constipation
• Inability to eat, weight loss
• Fatigue
• Restlessness
• Chills, sweats
• Chest pain, difficulty breathing
• Nervousness
• Nightmares
• Clinging
• Crying

Information taken from the website Hello Grief-A place to share and learn about GRIEF and LOSS

Grief takes a great toll mentally and emotionally. Below are several common reactions to loss beyond the physical, as well as some suggestions to help the persons in your life who may be struggling with grief.

• Confusion/Disorientation – Immediately after a loss, it may take a grieving person an hour to complete something that should take 15 minutes. Be patient, provide guidance if possible, and make sure to plan tasks accordingly.
• Forgetfulness – Grief can consume us mentally. You may notice your grieving loved one become forgetful about daily activities. You can help by discussing upcoming tasks with the person, and encouraging list making. For a child, rebuilding a daily routine will greatly help with this, as well as bring a much-needed level of security back to his or her life.
• Anxiety – Be supportive, and listen patiently. Try not to get frustrated.
• Agitation/frustration – Your loved one may become frustrated with others, especially when they feel others are complaining about seemingly frivolous things. Be understanding of where they are coming from, and help others around them understand (peers, teachers, etc.); especially during the holidays and anniversaries. Also help your friend/child understand that the frustration is misdirected by “taking it out” on others.
• Concentration problems – Even when doing activities they love, a grieving person may have a hard time concentrating, or being motivated and in-the-moment. Taking on challenging tasks in small increments at a time can help.
• Shock/emotional numbness – Often times, the first few months following a loss can be a blur for the grieving. They may simply be going through the motions of life – get up, get dressed, eat, breathe, sleep. The shock often lasts 3-6 months following the loss. Take your grieving friend/child where they are. If they want to talk, listen. If they don’t want to talk, don’t force it. But let them know you are there to listen when they are ready.
• Guilt/regret – Know that your grieving loved one may be experiencing guilt or regret associated with their loss. If they are willing to talk about it, listen and support them.

Information taken from the website Hello Grief-A place to share and learn about GRIEF and LOSS

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All children understand and respond to death differently.  No two children are alike.  However, some of how children understand death is based on their developmental level.

• Infants and Toddlers (Birth to 2 years): Very young children respond to their caregiver's emotions and changes in their environment.  Children at this age do not understand the meaning of death.
• Preschoolers (2 years to 5 years): Preschoolers often view death as temporary and reversible.  Children in this age range may confuse death with sleeping or being away with the expectation the person will wake up or return.  Preschoolers' thoughts are very egocentric and therefore they may believe that the death is a punishment for something they did or thought.
• School-age (5 years to 11 years): School-aged children begin to understand the irreversibility of death and that they could also die.  At this age, children may begin to show interest in the biological aspects of death and the cultural events surrounding a death (i.e. funeral, wake, etc.).
• Teens (12 years to 18 years): At this developmental level, teens are beginning to think more like adults.  Teens are able to comprehend not only the physical aspects of death, but also the emotional impact of the loss.

Information taken from the website Children’s Hospital-Greenville Health System

Below are some tips for helping children cope with death.  It is important to remember when reading these tips that children understand and respond to death differently.  No two children are alike.

• Grieving is a process that can take weeks, months, and years. Sometimes as a child matures, they will reprocess the death based on their new understanding and life experiences.
• Children need and want to talk about their loved one and their loss.  Be patient and a good listener.
• Don't hide information from children about a loved one's death.  Children often pick up pieces of information and imagine a reality far from the truth.
• Reassure the child they are loved and there is a plan for their care.  This is especially important if the loved one who died is a parent.
• Share your feelings and grief work with your child. A child will take comfort in knowing they are not alone in how they feel and they will look to the adults for role models in how to deal with grief.
• Provide encouragement and opportunities for children to ask questions and share their feelings.  It may be difficult at first for children to put their thoughts and feelings into words.  Be patient and present those sharing opportunities often.  When children are able to, they will share their feelings and seek the information they need.

Information is taken from the website Children’s Hospital-Greenville Health System.

Funerals serve a valuable function. Every society has some form of ceremony to help the living acknowledge, accept and cope with the loss of a loved one. Whether or not a particular child should be included again depends on the child and the situation. If the child is old enough to understand and wants to participate, being included may help her accept the reality of the death while in the supportive company of family and friends.​

If a child is to attend a funeral, he/she should be prepared for what he/she will hear and see before, during, and after the services. He/She should be aware that on such a sad occasion people will be expressing their bereavement in various ways and that some will be crying. If possible, someone who is calm and can give serious consideration and answers to questions he/she may ask should accompany the child. If she prefers not to attend the funeral, he/she must not be coerced or made to feel guilty.

There are many reasons why healthy grieving can be especially difficult for teenagers. Some grieving teens may even behave in ways that seem inappropriate or frightening. Be on the watch for:

• symptoms of chronic depression, sleeping difficulties, restlessness, and low self-esteem
• academic failure or indifference to school-related activities
• deterioration of relationships with family and friends
• risk-taking behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse, fighting, and sexual experimentation
• denying pain while at the same time acting overly strong or mature.

Lifeline's Printable Resources:

• Warning Signs

• Warning Signs (Spanish) 

To help a child who is having a particularly hard time with his or her loss, explore the full spectrum of helping services in your community. School counselors, church groups and private therapists are appropriate resources for some young people, while others may just need a little more time and attention from caring adults like you. The important thing is that you help the grieving child find safe and nurturing emotional outlets at this difficult time.

Additional resources:

• Your local family physician
• Information and Referral (Dial 211) for information about supports in your area
• Suicide Prevention Hotline 1 (800) 273-8255