Student FAQ about Grief

Even children who are able to express their feelings of grief through words, still at times will show signs of grief through verbal, emotional, and physical behaviors at times. Each child is unique so each child will express grief in his or her own way and own time. There is a wide range of normal behavior.  These are some of the normal and worrisome behaviors that may be signs of grief in children or teenagers.

Normal Verbal Behaviors:

• Talking about the deceased or loss a lot
• Not talking about the deceased or loss at all. (Some children initially act like everything is fine)
• Asking numerous questions
• Not asking any questions
• Wanting to hear the story of the loss over and over
• Not wanting to hear anything about the loss
• Wishing to be with the deceased (be careful not to jump to the conclusion that a child or teen is necessarily suicidal, but don't ignore the possiblity either)
• Engaging attention by talking a lot
• Saying silly things, being the class clown
• Mentioning nighttime dreams about the person who died
• Talking about having "seen" or "felt" the person who died
• Voicing fears of almost everything and anything
• Voicing worries about safety, other people getting sick or dying

 

Normal Emotional Behaviors

• excessive crying
• crying at unexpected times
• having strong feelings about seemingly small things
• over-reacting to a situation
• inability to concentrate or focus
• noncompliance with adults
• needing to be near an adult all the time
• being angry at everyone and everything
• seeing someone and believing it is the person who died
• forgetfulness
• lowered self esteem
• irritability
• clowning

 

Normal Physical behaviors:

• eating a lot
• not eating much
• sleeping a lot
• not sleeping
• urine and bowel accidents
• pains in the stomach and other areas unexplained by physician
• non-serious, recurrent illnesses such as colds, sore throats, and headaches.
• older children regressing: clinging,wanting to do babyish things such as suck a bottle, play with dolls
• aggressive behavior such as hitting, pinching
• needing to touch people frequently
• weariness and fatigue, even with enough sleep
• wanting to rip and destroy things

 

From the website Griefspeaks - Signs of grief in children and teens

Worrisome behaviors:

• dangerous risk taking
• self destructive behaviors
• threatening to hurt self or others
• violent play
• total withdrawal from people and environment
• a dramatic change in personality or functioning over a long period of time
• any of the "normal" behaviors happening over a very long time or to an extreme.

From the website Griefspeaks - Signs of grief in children and teens

 

Talk to a parent, school counselor, teacher, or other trusted adult and tell them how you’re feeling.  They can help you connect with someone who can help. This might be your local doctor or a mental health professional.